Discussing Your Wishes with Family

When you sign a donor card:

Talk to your family, friends and doctor about your decision. Explain why you want to be an organ donor, and ask your family to respect your wishes. Your family could be very receptive to your decision and they will be instrumental in ensuring your wishes are carried out. As one donor's spouse stated: "Thank goodness I remembered the conversation my husband and I had 29 years ago when we were courting. We both agreed that we would want to be donors if anything ever happened to us. My heart was warmed when I knew I could carry out that wish for him."

Family Discussion Guide

This guide is designed to help you encourage and lead a discussion regarding donation with your family. Although some members of your family may be afraid to talk about donation, you may be able to help them overcome their fear and discuss the issue openly and positively. Organ and tissue donation is a positive subject. It is a subject of life. It is a subject of human caring.

There are many ways to approach the subject of organ and tissue donation with your family. Set a time for the discussion and ask each family member to think about his or her feelings and questions before hand. These questions can be used to break the ice and begin the discussion. You may have to mention the subject more than once before your family becomes accepting to the idea. Bring up the topic in relation to other events such as a news story or the death of a celebrity or the death of someone the family knew. It may be less difficult for members of your family to discuss donation in relation to an event or story.

What to Expect

Once you've decided to begin the discussion, you should be prepared for a variety of reactions. It is quite possible that someone will become upset or anxious during the discussion.

If someone becomes upset, remain calm. Find out gently why the person is upset. Maintain a positive approach and try to point out that the conversation is really about giving life to other human beings. If this positive approach does not work, respect the person's wishes to leave the room or to end the conversation. Perhaps he or she will be able to discuss the subject at another time or one-on-one rather than in a family setting.

Another possible reaction to the subject is humor. You may find that someone in the family will begin to make jokes about donation in order to deal with his or her own anxiety about the issue. The humor may be a way to lighten the mood. This reaction is normal. Do not overreact to the jokes by making the person feel uncomfortable. If you continue on a serious note, the rest of the family will follow your lead.

How to Listen and Respond

Throughout the discussion, you will be a leader, keeping the conversation calm and focused. The best way to do this is to listen carefully to each person and to respond without judging. If someone expresses an opinion with which you disagree, it is important for you to recognize each person's right to his or her individual point of view.

If someone in the family becomes upset with someone else's opinion, it will be important to point out that there are no right or wrong answers in this discussion. Everyone should feel comfortable to express an opinion without fear of criticism. The important thing is to discuss the issue openly and to learn how each family member feels about donation.